New profile pic, & a few thoughts about it- also why we left last night's date off camera.
Every yr a few mths before my b'day, like clockwork, my body/face/skin/soul all start going through a shift. It's been this way since I was around 38/39 yrs old.
Back then I had no idea I was going THRU menopause very early. I assumed I was in a beginning phase since the women on my mom's side all did- all ending in hysterectomies- so imagine my shock last yr to find out mths of battle, & 100+ labs returned, they all showed I was POST not pre-menopausal.
I could unpack a lot for you about what it all means, what I endured unknowingly & under no treatment of any kind. The days I thought I was going insane because my chemicals were all over the place, or why my body stayed as hot as a flame thrower pouring sweat in the worst moments. Why insomnia moved in for awhile, & when it did it kicked out my amazing metabolism & flat stomach. Water retention, & puffiness also occasionally rented rooms, & brought along even more anxiety/panic/depression. They joined forces to dig up things that I forgot had been buried.
You see it takes a few startling moments to wake up the trauma your body's carried its whole life. Losing many people to death last yr shook me into a spiral medically/emotionally that I've yet faced. And if you know my full life of overcoming, that says a lot.
I decided to start this yr in another rebuild. Private goals & wants. Burying parts of the old me. Things only myself or J/the kids know. It's been phenomenal, healing, & amazing to welcome older me & love her. Not compare her to her 25 or 35yr old body/mind/self, but embrace the almost 46yr old woman, her post babies & menopause body, & wealth of wisdom from a hard life well-lived. To peacefully walk out of our 40s, into 50s in a few short yrs.
I cut my hair off- it's been liberating. Changed my diet, prayer life, rest schedule, & relationships- it freed me. Life's shit is still coming fast, but how it's being caught is on a different level.
I didn't recognize myself much in this new pic, but I love the way she's aging, & what a blessing to grow older w/such a beautiful life/family. .