“I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. There's a raging violent storm inside of my heart at all times. I don't know what peace feels like. I don't know how to relax."
- Kid Cudi
Over the past week I've been listening to Charlamagne The God's book “Shook One” on CD, in which he offers up the above Kid Cudi quote to start the book's first chapter, "Shook."
The book is about Charlamagne's life long struggle with anxiety and depression, and the quote is an ironic addition, given that Cudi's album "Man On The Moon" was ultimately the sound track to my early 20's, some of the darkest years of my life, when I was an ex athlete and college student making what one might call a "dishonest" living in Chattanooga, TN. •
Though I've grown a lot since that time,
and much more of my energy is now spent towards living a holistically healthy lifestyle,
as well as trying to understand the thoughts and emotions I experience on a day to day, hour to hour basis,
I still struggle with some of the emotions and demons that plagued me back then,
the same that plagued me even as a boy.
The book has caused me to look even further within myself in an attempt to examine where it was I first developed some of these beliefs that I still cling to that no longer serve me,
and it makes me wonder what it is that I’ll have to do to finally calm the violent storm in my heart,
and in turn what I can do to help other to do the same. •
Be I a boy or a man,
there's one thing that I'm still frequently reminded of to this day:
Life grows dark,
the weight grows heavy,
and it certainly is quite lonely out in space.
But it doesn't always have to be that way.
Depression and anxiety, the human condition, effect all of us,
and in that, all of us are in this together.
And while it may be hard,
discussing our struggles and being more open about them doesn't just help us, it helps others.
In the future I hope not just to help myself, but to help others deal with their demons,
to help others find the light.
So if you're moved to do so, reach out!
Show love and support for your brothers and sisters in the struggle.
Stay tuned, peace, love, and God’s speed